Choice Chance Change.
You must make a CHOICE to take a CHANCE or your life will never CHANGE
January 12th 2023
{Author of the quote is unknown)
We’re in a new year and that’s a time, for many, to make resolutions; they want to be slimmer, or fitter, or kinder, or richer, or…, or…, or…
And there’s pressure. Pressure on themselves, pressure from others, pressure from society and the media. It’s hard.
I get messages; “Vie, I want to be more confident.” “Vie, I’m not happy being who I am.” “Vie, I want to change how I feel about myself.”
I respond and say, “I can help.” Then the assumptions come.
People often make assumptions about me and about my work. We’re all prone to doing it, especially about things we don’t quite understand. And, sometimes, it’s easier to fill in the gaps with our own biases, than ask the questions of the person who actually knows.
I thought, then, that it would be easier to address those assumptions (these are the ones I hear most about; there are possibly others), and, hopefully, that will make people feel more reassured about working with me.
But Vie, I want to dye my hair and you disagree with it.
No, I really don’t. I started going grey when I was 12 years old (the joys of Mediterranean heritage) and I started dying it soon after. I tried dying my hair so many colours but, sadly, my hair would only dye black and dark brown. After many, many years (and I am talking decades!) I decided to stop. I didn’t like dying my hair, as I found the process tedious and messy. I couldn’t dye it the colours I wanted. So I chose to stop dying it and learn to embrace the grey.
What’s the important word in all of that paragraph? Chose! I chose to stop dying my hair. Tomorrow, I may decide to start dying it again. Or I might not. Because I can choose what I do and I am confident in the decisions I make.
And whatever colour you choose to dye your hair, or not, I will fully support you, as long as it’s your choice. Maybe you want to drastically change your hair colour, or you want to embrace your natural colour, but you don’t feel you can, I can help. You deserve to feel happy in yourself; you deserve to feel happy in the choices you make.
But Vie, I don’t want to be fat*.
There has never been a time in my life when I thought, “I want to be fat”. There have been many times, however, when I really wished I wasn’t, even when I was very far from being so; I used to think I was huge when I was just a size 12. I can honestly say that I have hated how my body was, how my body looked, for most of my life.
Then I reached a point where I knew I couldn’t live unhappily anymore and I decided that I would learn to accept my body as it is. The thought of actually liking the body I was in seemed too much to ask, but I decided to work towards accepting it for the way it was.
Once I had learned to accept my body, I began to love it. I loved it for surviving everything it had lived through; I loved it for still doing everything it could to keep me alive even though I frequently didn’t look after it for many, many years.
And the reasons I love it are not anything to do with the size of it. I love my body for all it does.
Now, if we were to work together, we would work towards you beginning to accept who you are, all of who you are, inside and out, and that has nothing to do with my size or yours. I want you to know that your body is incredible, as are you. And your body does not need to be anything like mine, or anyone else’s.
I made the choice to learn to accept, then love, my body. There’s that word again: choice. I made the choice to do the best that I could for me; I want you to do the same for you; I want you to choose to do the best for you, whatever that means for you; and I can show you how to get to that.
And, goodness! I am so, so heartbroken at the amount of women who, because it is so ingrained in them, talk so readily about how much they need to diet, how much they need to change, how they are not good enough as they are, when I just want them to see that they are wonderful, just as they are. Just like you.
I know some of you reading this will be struggling with all of this. But what about health, Vie?! But what about strength, Vie?! I can give you reams and reams of statistics and studies as to why diets don’t work for over 90% of people; I can recommend books; I can show you the studies that prove size is no indicator of health and wellness; but, instead, I will just ask you, how far has hating yourself got you?
Maybe, if you learned to like your body, yourself, you wouldn’t beat yourself up so much? And when you like yourself, you will be more willing to try new things, including new exercise, and new adventures; doesn’t that sound far more fun than berating yourself for not being good enough, or slim enough, or anything enough?
*Fat is just a word; it’s us that put the negative connotations on it. It’s a descriptor word, just like purple or tall.
But Vie, I don’t want to wear lots of colour and flowers in my hair!
And I wouldn’t expect you to! Being confident is about choosing what you want to wear and loving it. I have chosen (there it is again 😉) to wear the colours and clothes I love, to wear big flowers in my hair, because it’s a look I love; but my look isn’t your look. You can choose your look, whether that’s 1960s monochrome, vintage Balenciaga, high street fashion, or a burlap sack accessorised with string; the important thing is, are you ready for it?, that you have chosen it.
When you work with me, I don’t tell you what you should wear, because what you wear has nothing to do with me; but I will work with you so that you feel confident to choose the clothes you want to wear and that you’ll feel good in.
The confidence skills I teach you aren’t this is how I do it, and this is how it must be done, so you must do it too; the skills I teach you show you how to live confidently in your body, in your decisions, in your life, in this moment and the next. And they are skills to give you the confidence to make changes if you want to.
I am confident enough to be happy with who I am, wearing the clothes I wear, in the larger body I have, with the grey hair, and that also means that, if I wake up tomorrow and decide I want to live in jeans for the rest of my life and dye my hair mustard, I can, because I have self-belief.
You may have noticed that I didn’t say anything about changing my body; I am disabled and, for me, that means I am in pain all of the time, so I am not going to force myself to do anything that puts strain on it, like an exercise I don’t enjoy (ask me to go dancing, though, and that’s another story!). I am also restricted on what I can eat; I can’t eat anything spicy, peppery, acidic, hard or sharp, as those foods cause my mouth and throat to blister and tear; most salad is too peppery, then, add a dressing, and it usually becomes too acidic; I can’t eat most fruit due to the acidity levels; I am not going to beat myself up because I can’t live off salad, and I am not going to feel guilty if Montezuma’s milk chocolate buttons are all I can eat one day (they always stay cool and they are the perfect size to slot into a blistered cheek to soothe) because everything else is too painful. So my body is likely to stay the size it is, unless it’s affected by ill health, stress, menopause, or genetics, and I refuse to beat myself up about that, because my body is incredible for everything it does to keep me alive and moving.
My body is incredible for all it allows me to do.
And so is yours.
The question now is, do you want me to show you how to find your fabulous?
Vie
Xx
#FindYourFabulous #Confidence #SelfEsteem #BodyAcceptance #BodyPositivity #Montezumas #MontezumasChocolateButtons #Coach #ConfidenceCoach #DisabledCoach #InclusiveCoach #FlowersInMyHair #Resolutions #ChoiceChanceChange #CestLaVie #LaVieEstBelle
#DisabledAuthor #DisabledBlogger #GreyHair #GreyHairDontCare
The Joy and Pain of Compliments
March 21st 2023
I love compliments! I love giving them to people I know and to strangers on the street. I love seeing that little bit of joy spark in their eyes, how their face lights up. And I love receiving them! Today, walking home, a lady shouted out of her car window that she loved my hair! How lovely is that?!
Not everyone is as happy as I am, though.
Sometimes, the person receiving is so happy about the compliment, that the light stays, and that’s wonderful.
In many, they’re not used to compliments so, after the initial joy, comes the doubts; the ones where they don’t feel they deserve it; they don’t feel they deserve the kindness; they can’t believe what was said is true.
I work with a lot of women and girls who are like that. They think so poorly of themselves that anything good said must be a lie, or a platitude, someone just being kind (there is no just about being kind; every act of kindness matters).
In my book, La Vie Est Belle, I talk about compliments, and how I encourage others to see them. I like to see compliments as gifts; gifts that need no wrapping, that can be very small, but can often reach our hearts more than any gift before.
We’re all busy. We live in a world where busy-ness is encouraged, even celebrated. We run from one task to the next, squeezing in all the things we feel we have to do. We rush around, heads down, thinking five steps ahead of what’s on our to-do list. Then, add in the extra worries of health, the environment, politics, the future for children, and why on earth does yoghurt exist (okay, that might just be me 😉). Few of us schedule in time to relax, to do self-care, to be a human being and not a human doing. We can go through our day to day, feeling that we aren’t being truly seen; that people are often all too eager to take but rarely give back; that others have forgotten that we have needs and wants, too.
Our brains are so busy with everything.
But, then, someone stops and gives you a compliment.
Someone, someone who is worrying about how they’re going to get the 1,512 things done in their 1,440 minutes that day, notices you and decides to gift you some of their very precious time by paying you a compliment.
You, yes you, have something about you that has made another person stop, focus, and go out of their way to give you a compliment. They could have used the time to start on one of their tasks, or to take a breath, or to roll their eyes at the person walking so slowly in front of them a snail would overtake them, but they didn’t. They saw you and chose to give you that moment, that piece of time they’ll never get back, to tell you something they thought was wonderful about you.
That’s a beautiful present. And you deserve it.
But.
Not all compliments are good compliments, even with the best intentions behind them. The compliments from strangers are moments in time; they don’t know you so their words are based on who they have seen in that brief interlude. But compliments from people in our circles, friends, family, acquaintances, can be well-meaning but are often received loaded with judgement, guilt, fear.
Many of these compliments are the ones that lots of women, and some men, are given.
You look great! Have you lost weight?
You look so slim in that outfit!
Your hair up/down/curly/straight that way makes you look so much younger!
Following only meeting via Zoom, you’re so much prettier in person!
I love that you just don’t care what you look like!
You look so pretty when you smile.
You carry your weight well.
Your hair looks great! Have you done something different?
You look really good with makeup on.
You deserve to be much smaller with all the exercise you do.
You, as the reader, as the giver of some of these compliments, may think these all sound fantastic. What wonderful things to hear!
In my work, as a confidence coach with my Community Interest Company, I hear many things from my clients and workshop attendees, and I know from my own experience, when I had no confidence, about how these compliments feel, believing they highlight our insecurities.
I’ll give you reasons why the above compliments are not the best to receive, and simple alternatives.
What the compliment giver says:
You look great! Have you lost weight?
What the receiver feels:
I can only look good as a smaller person.
I am not accepted in the size my body is naturally.
I have lost* weight but it’s due to health issues/stress/grief; are my emotional needs less important than how I look?
*I talk about language in my book, too; the words lost and gained are covered in terms of weight.
Simpler compliment:
You look great. Or, it’s so lovely to see you!
What the compliment giver says:
You look so slim in that outfit!
What the receiver feels:
Do I look the size of a bus in everything else?
Simpler compliment:
You look wonderful! Or, it’s so lovely to see you!
What the compliment giver says:
Your hair up/down/curly/straight that way makes you look so much younger!
What the receiver feels:
Do I look ancient otherwise?
Simpler compliment:
You look wonderful! Or, it’s so lovely to see you!
Can you see the theme developing here? 😉
What the compliment giver says:
Following only meeting via Zoom, you’re so much prettier in person!
What the receiver feels:
Do you think I look awful on Zoom calls?
Does everyone think I look awful on Zoom calls?
Simpler compliment:
It’s fantastic to meet you in person! You’re even more fabulous in real life.
What the compliment giver says:
I love that you just don’t care what you look like!
What the receiver feels:
I do care!
Do they think I look awful?
I’m going through so much; can’t they see that me being here is what’s important?
Simpler compliment:
I’m so glad you’re here! I love spending time with you.
What the compliment giver says:
You look so pretty when you smile.
What the receiver feels:
Do I look awful the rest of the time?
Are they saying I’m miserable?
Simpler compliment:
Your smile lights up the room.
Your smile makes me happy.
What the compliment giver says:
You carry your weight well.
What the receiver feels:
Are they saying I look fat?!*
How else am I meant to carry it?! In a basket?!
*Fat is just a descriptor, like magenta and rectangular.
Simpler compliment:
You look so good!
What the compliment giver says:
Your hair looks great! Have you done something different?
What the receiver feels:
Does it not look good the rest of the time?
Simpler compliment:
You look wonderful! Or, it’s so lovely to see you!
What the compliment giver says:
You look really good with makeup on.
What the receiver feels:
Do I look awful without it?
Are they saying I need to wear makeup all of the time to be acceptable?
Simpler compliment:
You look wonderful! Or, it’s so lovely to see you!
What the compliment giver says:
You deserve to be much smaller with all the exercise you do.
What the receiver feels:
Do they think I am exercising incorrectly because I’m not smaller?
Are they saying I don’t look good because I’m not smaller?
Simpler compliment:
You are so fit and strong!
There are some that feel compliments should never be about external appearance, and I can understand their reasoning; however, I, like many others, like to be told I look good. I spent so long hating what I looked like that, now, I like to be told complimentary things about how I look.
However, I am not, and neither is anyone else, just about their external appearance. There is so much more to me than my pretty frocks and hair flowers, just as there is so much more to you than the clothes you wear, or how you do your hair.
I feel compliments can include comments about external factors, as long as they aren’t likely to be misunderstood, but that it would be better to focus more on all of the wonderful things that make us who we are.
Tell someone that you love their hugs.
Tell someone that you feel joyful when you hear them laugh.
Tell someone that their company makes you happy.
Tell someone that you feel brave because they are so supportive.
Tell someone that they are appreciated.
Tell someone that they are wonderful just for being who they are.
And, when someone gives you a compliment, believe the person means it and say thank you. And remind yourself that you deserve to be told wonderful things 💜💙.
If you feel you would like to work on believing that you are fabulous, book some one to one coaching with me; you’ll be believing you’re fantastic in no time!
#Compliments #Gifts #PayingCompliments #ReceivingCompliments #KindnessMatters #Confidence #SelfEsteem #ConfidenceCoach #FindYourFabulous #SocialEnterprise #VieNessCIC
From Eyes to Ears
April 4th 2023
I have mentioned Dr. Jennifer Jones a few times in my blogs. She is the reason I went from dreaming about becoming an author to actually being one. Jennifer asked me to write a guest blog for her website about the process of going from writing a book to recording a book and here it is:
https://ewc.coach/2023/04/04/publishing-my-book-and-audio-book-by-vie-portland/
Any questions, as always, just ask.
#GuestBlogger #Audiobook #Author #DisabledAuthor #Speaker #PublicSpeaker #Narrator #SelfHelp #Confidence #SelfEsteem #Coach #WritingCoach #ConfidenceCoach #SocialEnterprise
44 Fun Fundraising Ideas
April 10th 2023
On 26th June 2023, my Community Interest Company, VieNess Discover You Love You CIC, turns 4.
I’m very proud! It feels like a big achievement to reach my 4th birthday. And I would love to celebrate many more.
But, it’s a struggle. Money is tight for many people so donating regularly can feel like a big ask; and the amount that’s necessary to charge for tickets for fundraising events can seem a lot. I understand that; I know I have had to cut back on many things. And it can also feel like the little bit we can afford won’t make a difference, so why bother?
As a small not for profit organisation, I can assure you that every penny really does matter. If everyone that followed my business pages on social media donated just £1 a month, that would be over £1000 a month! But, sadly, most people think, “Oh, someone else will do that, so I won’t bother.” Please do bother! It really means so much.
If you’re a follower of my work, I’m hoping you’re here because you want my CIC to succeed; that you want me to reach as many people as possible with my self-esteem and confidence lessons. But, like you, I cannot live on well wishes alone; I cannot reach the children, young people, and women I work with without you. YOU matter.
But you can make a BIG difference for very little money.
A couple of days ago, I put a comment in our wonderful little CIC group, which consists of my two volunteer non-executive directors and my part time Access to Work PA, about the CIC’s 4th birthday approaching and one of them suggested asking all of the supporters to donate £4. Great idea! And, never being one to shy away from a challenge, I decided to add to it. With the amount of great supporters across my social media, if everyone donated £4, we would easily hit £4,444, so that’s the target; 4 fours, to keep with the 4th birthday theme.
Thankfully, many of us won’t miss £4, but not everyone will donate; they’ll possibly mean to but something will happen to distract them, or they will add it to their already long to-do list and forget. And some will not be able to afford £4 (please do NOT give the CIC your last £4! Or even your last £44!)
But £4 is enough for me to reach one child in a school, a young person in a youth group, or a woman in a refuge. Imagine how many I could reach with £4,444! If you could, wouldn’t you want to be part of that?
So, I decided to come up with 44 ways that people could fundraise money for VieNessCIC, for those of you that would like to donate more than £4. As you would hopefully expect from me, some of the ideas are around kindness and compassion, and some are just silly. Lots of them could be done with children, or are more suited for children, and some are just for adults.
Here we go…
- 4444 minutes is just over 74 hours. What could you give up for 74 hours and donate what you have saved to VieNessCIC? Posh coffees? Wine? Cigarettes? Chocolate? Takeaways?
- Create 44 pieces of art and sell them to friends and family.
- Write 44 poems and sell them.
- Do a sponsored spelling bee. Learn 44 words and how to spell them.
- Walk for 4 miles. Or 4,444 steps. Or 44 miles! Anymore is ridiculous 🤣. Get sponsored per mile. Or for every time you say “Why did I agree to do this?!” 🤣
- Dance for 44 minutes or to 44 songs and get sponsored for each one. Or 444 minutes, which is 7 hours! Don’t forget to hydrate! 🥵
- Make and sell 44 cakes or biscuits. Delicious 😋.
- Or, if cooking isn't one of your talents, people can donate to stop you cooking 😂.
- Write a story or poem with only 44 words in and get sponsored per word. Or sell copies.
- Sing 44 songs and get sponsored for each song.
- Write a cookery book with 44 recipes in and sell it to friends and family.
- Do 44 acts of random kindness. Get sponsored per act.
- Donate 44% of your pocket money, or your hourly wage, or from sales in a workshop or class.
- Have a sponsored 4 hours board game marathon.
- Do a quiz, online or in person, with 44 questions, and charge an entry fee.
- Tell 44 jokes. Get sponsored per laugh.
- Sell 44 things at a car boot sale or online and donate the profits.
- Do a 44% raffle! People pay £1 per entry then, at the end, donate 44% to VieNessCIC and the winner gets 66%!
- Have a family and friends sports day. Four teams of four and four fun races. You could have an obstacle race, a relay race of passing a ball between the knees, an egg and spoon race, and a tug of war. Or a three legged race! People can pay to take part.
- Four minutes of exercise for 44 days! Or 44 minutes of exercise for 4 days. Get sponsored to do it.
- Have a virtual disco and charge an entry fee.
- Do a sponsored litter pick. Pick up 44 items (or more!) and get sponsored per item.
- In your next 44 emails, put the VieNess CIC Ko-Fi link and say why you are supporting the CIC for their 4th birthday and ask them to donate £4. Here’s the link: https://ko-fi.com/vienesscic
- Write 44 notes of kindness and give them to friends, relatives, and strangers. Get sponsored for each note.
- Every time you say something unkind to yourself, put £1 in a jar for 44 days and donate it to VieNessCIC.
- You could also do it the other way! For every positive thing you say to yourself, or someone else says something lovely, for 44 days, put £1 in a jar, then donate it to VieNessCIC. Perhaps, by practising saying kind things, it will become more of a habit for you 🥰. This one could be a challenge but think of how many people you could help with what you raise.
- Swear jar. £1 in a jar for every time you swear for 44 days.
- For the reluctant readers, read 44 pages in a book. Or read up to chapter 44 in a book. And get sponsored per page or chapter.
- June 4th is Hug Your Cat Day. Draw pictures of 44 cats, Write a story that has 44 cats in or that is 44 pages long. Stroke a cat 44 times over the course of the day (maybe go to a cat cafe to do this). Get sponsored per picture or stroke, and sell your story to people. 😻
- June 4th is also Butterfly Education and Awareness Day. Find out 44 facts about butterflies then host a talk on them, charging people entry.
- June 8th is National Best Friends Day. Have a virtual meet up with your friends and donate what you would have spent on dinner and drinks to VieNessCIC. Challenge the group to come up with 44 wonderful things about each of you.
- June 13th is Sewing Machine Day. Make 44 items - pouches, bookmarks, hearts - and sell them.
- June 18th to 26th is Picnic Week. Get together with some friends; bring food to share; and everyone donate £4 to VieNessCIC. Maybe do it on four days with different people!
- June 24th is Bring Your Dog to Work Day. Set up a temporary business with your dog and provide tasks for people that they can pay you for. Do they need letters posting? You and your dog could take them. Do they need company? You and your dog could visit them. Does their garden need digging? You and your dog could get it started. 🐶
- Adopt a Jelly Baby. Write birth certificates with the Jelly Baby's name on and charge adoption fees for each one. Or Adopt a Pet Rock. Gather some up; you could even paint faces on them.
- Sponsored silence. 44 minutes or 4 hours and 44 minutes. 4,444 minutes is too much to ask 😂.
- Do a raffle at your place of work or with your family.
- Do your own Bob A Job day or week. Do tasks around the home and get paid for them.
- Do a Scavenger Hunt. Hide 44 items and give clues for each one. Charge people to play.
- Put on a play or concert for friends and family. Don't have enough people for every character? Make sock puppets or use teddies and dolls. Charge for seats.
- Have an Awards Ceremony for the people in your life. You could have “Kindest Act”, or “Best Joke Teller”, “Best Cake Maker”, “Best Hugger”; anything really. People can pay to enter, or pay to nominate, or pay to go to the awards. You can make certificates for the finalists and winners, or make awards out of bits in your recycling bin.
- Host an afternoon tea and have people pay for what they order.
- Have a Eurovision sweepstake; don't let people choose their country; wait until you have all of the entrants then pick their country for the event randomly. There will be 26 acts. Charge £4 to enter; donate half of the money to VieNessCIC and the winner gets the other half.
- Have a beauty salon and have customers pay for treatments. You could do hand or foot rubs, manicures, and shoulder rubs.
And, because I always over deliver, here’s a few more 🥰.
There’s a fabulous inclusive festival that is happening in Windsor Great Park on Sunday 2nd July. It’s a wonderful celebration of people with disabilities, and, as a business owner with disabilities, I am very excited to be part of it. Have a look at this utterly joyful video on their website: https://www.parallellifestyle.com/
I will have a stand there, and I will be reading my children’s books, so it would be great for you to come and say hello, but, there’s something else. They also have a challenge event for all ages, abilities, and health conditions, and I would love for you to join me in doing a sponsored conga line over 1km! I can’t afford to pay for you to join me, but you could use your sponsor money to pay for entry (you’ll get a medal!) and donate the rest to VieNessCIC. You can find out more here: https://www.racespace.com/gb/parallel-lifestyle/parallel-windsor
(Entries close at 00.59 on Saturday 24th June 2023)
46. On the 4th of the month, you could donate £4 for four hours; or 4% of what you earn that day.
47. Tell 4 people about the great work that VieNessCIC does and why it’s important, and ask each of them to tell 4 more people about the 4th birthday challenge.
Or, idea number 48, you could just have a tombola 😉.
Please do let me know what you decide to do. And let me know if you have any more fundraising ideas that aren’t too complicated or expensive to do; maybe next year, I can add it to a list of 55 events for the 5th birthday 😉.
And, in the meantime, if you could spare £4, please donate here:
Thank you!
Oh! If you have find this blog through keywords, and you're looking for fundraising ideas, please do donate £4 too. Thank you.
#Fundraising #FundraisingIdeas #Birthday #BirthdayCelebrations #SocialEnterprise #SocEnt #ParallelGlobal #KoFi #SponsoredEvents #ParallelWindsor #Conga #Inclusion #InclusiveFestival #Festival #DIsabilities #DisabledBusinessOwner #Kindness #Confidence #SelfEsteem #WorkInSchools #ConfidenceWorkshops #Teachers #Schools #YouthGroups #Libraries #Brownies #Guides #Rangers #FunFundraising
7 BIllion Steps
April 21st 2023
We can often feel that what we do makes little difference. We can feel that our one choice, our one purchase, our one vote, means nothing. So we do nothing because us on our lonesome makes no difference.
But, what if everyone thought that? What if everyone on the planet thought that they couldn’t make a difference so everyone everywhere just stopped, and did nothing? I can almost hear the desolation, along with the creaking of the world falling apart. That’s gloomy.
A happier, kinder world.
When I’m asked what my purpose is, I always answer that I believe I am here to make the world a happier, kinder place than when I joined it. That’s quite a big statement. I don’t believe I can reach everyone in the world, but I do believe that, with every person I can reach, they will reach others, and those others will reach more, and the happiness and kindness will spread. One of my favourite quotes, by cultural anthropologist Margaret Mead is Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has. And that can be with everything; with kindness, with policies, with human rights, with environmental issues, with EVERYTHING.
Now, I know I am not an expert, and I know I could change things to live more ethically, but, that’s sort of my point. Do I stop doing the ethical things I already do because I’m not doing everything possible? Or do I see each action I take as one good step to a happier, kinder world? Obviously, as I’ve already told you my purpose, you’ll know it’s the second one. I believe that, if we all take one step forward in living more ethically, that’s 7 billion steps! That’s a lot of steps! And, imagine if we all took two steps? Or if some of us took 3 and 4, even 5 steps? Isn’t that getting into trillions territory?! Trillions of steps to make the world a better place? Sounds great to me!
So, what do I do, in my home and in my business? Now, before I go any further, I want to reassure you that I really mean it when I say one step forward is better than no steps in living a more ethical way; the choices I have made are exactly that: my choices. Your choices will be different and that’s okay. And, many of the things I am about to talk about took me years and years to decide upon and implement, so I am also not asking you to do it all NOW. Thinking about doing it, and making small changes here and there are good.
A work in progress.
In our home, we eat mostly plant based food, but I still eat fish; see! Already I have shown you that I am not doing everything I could! And that’s just one of many things. For me, it came down to deciding what was more important: my tastebuds or an animal’s life? It wasn’t a quick decision! I liked meat! But I could no longer look at a pig and express how cute it is, then have pork belly for my tea. And I have only not eaten meat for around 5 years.
Omnipotence
My first step towards living more ethically was boycotting Nestle, when I heard about the baby milk scandal; over the years, I have learned more about them, about their child labour, about their animal testing, about their stealing from communities. I thought I boycotted everything they did straight away but, years later, I found out that they own lots of companies, including ones I was still buying from; I stopped buying from those, too. They’re a ginormous company so there’s a possibility that I am still buying from them somewhere along the line, though I do check every now and then, but I feel I am doing my bit. I am taking one step forward.
A less cruel world.
The next thing I did was stop buying products that had been tested on animals; there were so many alternatives that I couldn’t justify washing my hair with a shampoo that had been rubbed in a rabbit’s eyes to ensure it wouldn’t sting mine; I’m an adult so I am quite good at avoiding getting shampoo in my eyes. With medication, this is harder, and, having disabilities, as I do, it can be hard to avoid, but, with my cosmetic and household products choices, I am taking one step forward.
For the love of orangutans.
The last big change I made was removing products that contain unsustainable palm oil. We go to Monkey World in Dorset a lot; it’s our favourite place. They started talking about palm oil and the effects on the natural environment of many of the primates that now live at the park. We felt that it would be hypocritical to bemoan how sad it was that so many primates, and other creatures, were losing their homes to deforestation but not do anything about it. This Iceland advert also hit me hard: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ha6xUVqezQ&t=16s I am not so rigid that I police the food I eat when out at restaurants but, again, I am making one step forward.
Awards ceremony.
Now, about my business. My work is about my purpose and, where I can, I think about the impact I am making. As well as teaching people how to be more confident and have higher self-worth, I also make suggestions of things people can do that are more environmentally friendly. For example, when I send out my children’s books, I wrap them in tissue paper, put them in a box, and enclose (most of the time! Sometimes, I forget) a list of 25 alternatives to do with the packaging, in addition to recycling; these include things like making a sleigh for your toys, or making a photo frame for a picture, or making a crown, or turning it into a treasure chest. I now have over 50 suggestions. You can see my books here: https://www.vieness.co.uk/product-page/pre-order-who-am-i
Also, in my A Box Full Of Family Fun cards, I suggest 30 activities that groups of people can do to boost confidence and communication, and many of them suggest using/re-using items around the home; one of my favourites is having an awards ceremony and making the awards out of items in the recycling bin. You can see the cards here: https://www.vieness.co.uk/product-page/a-little-box-of-family-fun
And then there’s the bunting. I have Growth Mindset and Affirmation Bunting; both have the option of being printed out in colour or to colour in. I always recommend that they are printed out to colour in; this saves ink, being more environmentally friendly, and it also encourages people to talk about the piece they are colouring in; a win-win. You can see the bunting here: https://www.vieness.co.uk/product-page/growth-mindset-bunting-to-decorate
One small step for humankind; one giant leap for the planet.
I know there are more things I could do, and I am sure I will as time goes on, but, for now, I am happy with my steps forward. And my steps fit with my purpose of making the world a kinder, happier place.
Now, without being hard on yourself, what steps could you take to make the world happier and kinder? I would love to know. Please do share them with me.
#EarthDay #WorldEarthDay #EarthDay23 #WorldEarthDay23 #EarthDay22 #WorldEarthDay22 #EarthDay24 #WorldEarthDay24 #VieNessCIC #Environment #Recycling #PalmOil #AnimalTesting #AgainstAnimalTesting #Deforestation #HappyWorld #KinderWorld #Kindness #Confidence #SelfWorth #SelfEsteem #EarthDay2023 #WorldEarthDay2023 #EarthDay2022 #WorldEarthDay2022 #EarthDay2024 #WorldEarthDay2024 #ConfidenceCoach #MakeADifference #MakingADifference #OneStepForward #WorldEarthDay2024
Inclusive Children’s Books. Part One LGBTQ+
June 16th 2023
I LOVE children’s books! And books for young adults! I feel they are a great learning tool for most things, in that they explain things simply; for example, if I wanted to learn how to play chess, a children’s book would explain it simply, often with pictures, whereas a book for adults would be complicated for a beginner like myself.
There is also the emotional learning that comes from children’s books. We can read stories of people and cultures that are different to our own, or learn more about the experiences of people we know. Reading books helps us become more empathetic.
And, in my work, where I teach workshops to children, young people, and women, I like to be able to share with them the stories I read that are relevant to their situation.
Because of my love for children’s and young adult books (well, books generally, really), I have quite the collection, and, as I am often asked which books I would recommend, I decided to write a blog. Then, as I added each new book I read to the blog, and started to revisit others I already had before I decided to do the blog, the blog itself started becoming full enough to be a book on its own! So, instead, I have decided to break it down into categories, and, as I frequently buy new books, there will probably be several blogs covering each category.
I decided to start with LGBTQ+ books as we’re in Pride month. Children and young people will be seeing more information around and may be asking questions that you may not feel you can answer; or you may want to add more to your answers, and these books can help. Or maybe all of the additional imagery around will be adding to questions they already had.
I will share links to the books so you can click on them straight away if they take your fancy; although I know there are ethical issues with Amazon, and many people choose to not shop with them, I will be using their links, as they are often the cheapest and easiest option for many; they do also have a wider selection of books that some independents don't have the space to stock. I will add here that I will be using affiliate links, so, if you purchase through them, you will be helping me reach more children, young people, and women with every purchase (that will take time, as it’s only pennies for each item, but, as the supermarkets says, every penny counts). Thank you.
I hope the language I use in this blog, in life, is inclusive and correct; I try very hard to use the right language, however I know that language is ever moving and that I might slip up. I am always willing to learn more, so please do let me know.
The first book is one that I could include in every list I write, as it’s so wonderfully diverse and inclusive. An ABC of Equality, written by Chana Ginelle Ewing, and illustrated by Paulina Morgan, is a thick board book aimed at toddlers. I think every human should read this book. It’s a brilliant alphabet book, going from ability to ze, via feminism, gender, oppression, and race! A wonderful book that has a very simple sentence to explain what every word means; a fantastic introduction for everyone, child and adult.
I Am Jazz, written by Jessica Herthel & Jazz Jennings, and illustrated by Shelagh McNicholas, is a picture book aimed at 4 to 8 year olds. This is a lovely, simple story of how Jazz came to be recognised as she truly is: a girl. A great way to simply explain that not everyone is born into the body they identify with. https://amzn.to/467ngCm
Nothing Ever Happens Here, written by Sarah Hagger-Holt, and aimed at ages 9 to 12, is a lovely fictional story about how a teen girl deals with her dad explaining they are a trans woman. A great story of honesty, family relations, bravery, and understanding. I love how every character is truly themselves, good and bad, because we all have those times when we’re not our best. And I love how accepting in every way this book is. There's a few mentions of musicals, one of my favourite things, so bonus points for that, too. https://amzn.to/467ngCm
My Dad at the End of the Rainbow, written by Benjamin Dean, aimed at ages 9+. I love this story of a boy whose dad comes out as gay. Without wanting to give anything away, I love its acceptance and gentleness, as well as the joy and exuberance. And the imagery the author creates is wonderful. https://amzn.to/42FmPw9
I love Juno Dawson! Over the series of blogs, you will see several of her books. You Need To Chill!, illustrated by Laura Hughes, aimed at ages 4 to 7, is her first picture book, and the first one written for this age range. It’s a wonderful introductory book to a child being transgender and how their sister explains it to her classmates. It’s also great fun to read out loud, getting the listeners to join in with the repeated sentence. https://amzn.to/42LXhxJ
Olly Pike has written some lovely picture books, and I am sure they will be included more than once. The Prince and the Frog, aimed at ages 3 to 6, is a lovely twist on a fairytale, challenging, in a very non-challenging way, gender stereotypes, and demonstrating that consensual love is beautiful, whoever it’s between. https://amzn.to/3XqYWYx
Frockodile, written by Jeanne Willis and Stephanie Laberis, and aimed at ages 3 to 5, is a fun picture book that shows it's best to be ourselves, that we can't always see everything a person is, and that acceptance is wonderful. I love its silliness at times, and I especially love that it does show us that, well, we really shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. https://amzn.to/466sRZO
The Woodcutter and the Snow Prince, written by Ian Eagleton, another author that will appear across the blogs, and illustrated by Davide Ortu, aimed at ages 4 to 7, is a beautifully illustrated modern day fairytale, with hope at its very core. I especially love the maps at the beginning and end of the book. A lovely story to break from the heteronormative. https://amzn.to/42ImN6P
Two books now from the great team that are Jodie Lancet-Grant and Lydia Corry (illustrator). First, The Pirate Mums, aimed at ages 3 to 8. I want to listen to this book, with singalong sea shanties, and the sounds of the waves! It’s a fun book about how being different can sometimes be awkward, or embarrassing, and how it can also be wonderful. And The Marvellous Doctors for Magical Creatures, which is a brilliant book showing us that it's okay to be who you really want to be, even if who you really want to be is not what everyone expects you to be. And the illustrations are brilliant! Do take time to look at all of the details in them. https://amzn.to/3NxDbTd and https://amzn.to/42JguzN
The Princess Without a Crown was written by Claire Walsh and illustrated by Jayne Farrer, aimed at ages 3 to 8. This is a story of a princess who loves to do things her way, which isn’t the way princesses are always expected to behave. I really love that part of her self-care includes putting eczema cream on; I love that this normalises something that is so common for so many; and it’s always great to see, as a reader, someone who does something the same as you. Representation matters. There are lots of subtle LGBTQ+ rainbows and references, and a lovely positive ending. I have been given permission to share this, as Claire, the author, is a friend: what I especially love is that this story is based on the author’s daughter and her now wife! That’s beautiful! https://amzn.to/3XfqTlJ
Uncle Bobby’s Wedding, written by Sarah S. Brannen and Lucia Soto, aimed at ages 3 to 6. This is a great story for any child who has LGBTQ+ relatives, especially if any of them are getting married, as it shares how, sometimes, our feelings, as completely valid as they are, may not be right. It has beautiful illustrations that feel vibrant and loving. https://amzn.to/3Cw0pmm
I am NOT a prince, written by Rachael Davis and Beatrix Hatcher, aimed at ages 3 to 5. This is a lovely rhyming story about a frog who doesn't want to be kissed to become a prince, like all the other frogs, so goes on a fairy tale quest of bravery and kindness to see who they really are. There's also a page where a bear has their bum stuck, which is likely to cause hilarity in all lovers of toilet humour. https://amzn.to/43VQxhO
This book is utterly joyful! The Hips on the Drag Queen go Swish, Swish, Swish, written by Lil Miss Hot Mess and illustrated by Olga De Dios Ruiz, aimed at ages 4 to 8. This is a retelling of the well-known children’s song, The Wheels on the Bus (I have rewritten it as an affirmation type song to sing in my workshops aimed at pre-schoolers). I love singing, and moving, along to it, and the illustrations are wonderful. This is a great introduction to Drag Queens. https://amzn.to/42KDMVW
Because fifteen books is probably enough to start with, I will finish with the delightful Julian is a Mermaid, written by Jessica Love, and aimed at ages 2 to 6. This is a wonderful book that embodies acceptance in many ways. It’s a delight to read. And the illustrations are so life affirming! This book could also go into the list I am compiling in the Race category, as all of the main characters are Black, which is sadly not too common, especially in children’s books. I have already said that representation matters, and that is not only true for the reader to see people that are like us, but to also see people that may not seem to be like us, to show that the world is made up of so many wonderful people who are all very different, but that we have far more in common than that which makes us different.
Please do let me know if you read any of these books, and what you think of them, and please do recommend any that you have come across, that are inclusive and diverse. I will be doing more blogs where I recommend other LGBTQ+ books, as well as books that are great representations of cultural diversity, racial diversity, disability awareness and diversity, religious diversity, as well as books that are around self-esteem and confidence. Oh! And mindfulness. You could also let me know which list you would like me to write next 🥰.
Vie
xx
P.S. As a Community Interest Company, any funds raised enable me to reach more people with my self-esteem and confidence workshops. If you can, your support would be appreciated; you can donate via this link: https://ko-fi.com/vienesscic Or, if you have skills you would like to offer, please do get in touch; my email is vie@vieness.co.uk
#LGBTQChildrensBooks #RecommendedChildrensBooks #BooksForSchools #BooksForHome #RepresentationsMatters #GiftsForChildren #LGBTQ+ #DiverseBooks #InclusiveBooks #PictureBooks #YABooks #BooksForYoungAdults #Pride #PrideBooks #PrideChildrensBooks #PrideYoungAdultsBooks #Inclusion #Diversity #ChildrensBooks #YoungAdultBooks #MiddleGradeBooks #LGBTQMiddleGradeBooks #VieNessCIC
Inclusive Children’s Books Part 2
Disability Awareness and Diversity
July 14th 2023
Last month, for Pride month, I started this series of inclusive children’s books, focusing first on LGBTQ+ books. July is Disability Pride month so I thought I would share the first ten books in this category.
I said in the last blog that I have a love of children’s, and young adult’s, books, because they are a great way to learn and a wonderful way to develop empathy. They’re also, frequently, beautiful.
Now, I think that more books are needed in every category that I will cover with these blogs, and I love that, leading up to Pride month, and even this week (I am writing this in the second week of July), there are still lots of LGBTQ+ books being displayed in bookshops and libraries. However, in Disability Pride month, have a guess at how many relevant books I have seen in the same places? Have you got a number in mind? I was excited to go shopping, to discover new books in this category and, well, my bank balance is happy because I found absolutely none.
In one Waterstones, who were one of the many stores with a great LGBTQ+ book section for Pride month, I spoke to someone who worked there, said how brilliant their display was, and I asked if they had plans to have a Disability Pride awareness stand; they said they hadn’t even thought about it but it was a good idea. And this is why we need more awareness; around 16% of the global population is disabled yet our Pride month is missed by so many. For us to live in a more inclusive, accepting, world, we all need to learn ways to make the world that way. Children’s books can help.
Less than 4% of books, children’s, young adults, and adults combined, have a main character with a disability in. It’s important to have these awareness raising books; I have a rare disability and I know how important these books are. However, when studies have shown that many children won’t make friends with someone who looks different to them, whether that be due to size, shape, colour, disability, or disfigurement, these books can also make our differences seem more important than all the things we have in common. I believe we all have more in common than that which makes us different, so I feel that there should be a mix, some that are raising awareness of conditions, and some that are showing that we’re all just a different kind of normal.
I am only going to share ten books for this post, so you don’t feel bombarded, and I will share more in another blog.
I will share links to the books so you can click on them straight away if they take your fancy. Although I know there are ethical issues with Amazon, and many people choose to not shop with them, I will be using their links, as they are often the cheapest and easiest option for many; they also have a wider selection of books that some independents can’t afford to stock. I will add here that I will be using affiliate links, so, if you purchase through them, you will be helping me reach more children, young people, and women with every purchase (that will take time, as it’s only pennies for each item, but, as the supermarket says, every penny counts). Thank you.
- An ABC of Equality, written by Chana Ginelle Ewing, illustrated by Paulina Morgan. It’s a thick board book, aimed at toddlers, but
I think every human should read it so I am including it in every category! It’s a brilliant alphabet book, going from ability to ze, via feminism, gender, oppression, and race! A wonderful book that has a very simple sentence to explain what every word means. A fantastic introduction. https://amzn.to/43kZ90w
- I Will Dance, written by Nancy Bo Flood and illustrated by Julianna Swaney, aimed at 3 to 8s. As a disabled person that loves to dance, I love the idea behind this book, showing that dance is for everyone that wants to try it. The illustrations are beautiful. Personally, I don’t like the almost staccato writing style but it’s a lovely book for any budding dancer who feels they can’t. https://amzn.to/43kZ90w
- The Tide, written by Clare Helen Walsh and illustrated by Ashling Lindsay. It’s aimed at 3 to 6 year olds, but good for older children to read as a simple introduction. A beautifully illustrated story about a child understanding why her grandfather sometimes forgets things; a simple introduction, and conversation starting point, to explain dementia. https://amzn.to/3ruSjZd
- You Are Enough, written by Margaret O'Hair, illustrated by Sofia Cardoso, and inspired by Sofia Sanchez. It’s aimed at 3 to 7 year olds. A book about inclusion with lots of positive affirmations. The beautiful illustrations are embracing of all different people. A great book to introduce different disabilities to your child, and to encourage your child with disabilities to believe that they can do incredible things. https://amzn.to/3Of4eDp
- I Remember, written by Jeanne Willis and Raquel Catalina, and aimed at 3 to 7 year olds. This is a beautiful book about a young boy spending time with his grandmother, who has dementia. It has lovely illustrations and the story eloquently describes how relationships can change when dementia becomes part of a family. https://amzn.to/44rfJx0
- All Cats are on the Autism Spectrum/All Dogs have ADHD/All Birds have Anxiety, written by Kathy Hoopman. These are suitable for all ages! These are wonderful photographic books that have gorgeous photos of animals linked with some of the traits of these conditions. They're a brilliant way for children to talk about how they feel by putting their feelings onto an animal, and making them easier to discuss. https://amzn.to/3PRDbiF
Obviously, I can’t do a blog about good representations of disabilities without including my own books.
Where Are We Going? was written by me, Vie Portland, and illustrated by Donna Mcghie, and it’s aimed at 3 to 6 year olds. In this book, Emily, the main character, and her mum, go on lots of wonderful imaginary adventures. Emily has a visible difference but it’s not mentioned in the story until the discussion questions at the end of the book. https://amzn.to/44quCj9
In Who Am I? written by me and illustrated by Donna Mcghie, same age range, Emily and her mum go on more imaginary adventures and, this time, there are lots of positive affirmations to encourage readers to think beyond the external appearance, and be reminded how brilliant we are, as we are. https://amzn.to/44KzKyw
If you know of any inclusive children’s and young adult’s books, please do let me know, as I love reading new books. And please do let me know if you read, or have read, any of these books.
#InclusiveChildrensBooks #RecommendedChildrensBooks #DisabilityPride #Waterstones #PrideDisability #BooksForSchools #BooksForHome #RepresentationsMatters #GiftsForChildren #DiverseBooks #InclusiveBooks #PictureBooks #YABooks #BooksForYoungAdults #Inclusion #Diversity #DisabilityAwareness #Disability #DementiaBooks #Dementia #DementiaBooksForChildren #NeurodivergentBooks #ChildrenWIthProsthetics #DownsSyndrome
I’m a Spoonie
July 15th 2023
You might be thinking, “Well, Vie, I didn’t know you had a fascination with cutlery!” Or you might now have, as I do, the theme tune for Button Moon, following Mr. Spoon, singing in your head (here you go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gu0o6u1VmGE ).
It’s neither of those things, though, who doesn’t appreciate a lovely bit of silverware 😏.
Spoon Theory was devised by Christine Miserandino in 2003 following a meal with a friend where she tried to explain what it’s like to live with chronic conditions using the cutlery that was nearby.
So, what is it?
Spoon Theory works on the premise that everyone has a set amount of spoons to get through every day. A person who lives with no disabilities or chronic conditions may have 25 spoons to get through their day. To get up, have breakfast, shower, dress, might take one spoon’s worth of energy; getting dressed for a party, going to the party, talking, dancing, drinking, may use up three spoons. Most days, there will be a surplus of spoons.
Now, a person with disabilities and/or chronic conditions may have 12 spoons a day. That’s less than half the spoons a non-disabled person may have. You might think, with so little spoons, that we’re all experts in managing how we use them; however, that often isn’t the case, try as hard as we may, because different activities take up different amounts of spoons for different people, of all ages, at different times.
I thought I would share about my days and my spoon usage. Before I continue, I will share with you that, as I write this, I was meant to be on a brilliant networking and support session but, as I know I am very tired and in lots of pain today, and that I wanted to write this blog, I had to give up one or the other. The irony that I am using my last spoons to write about being a Spoonie 🙄.
Ideally, I prefer to wake up when my body wants to; needing to set an alarm means I wake up earlier than my body wants to, which immediately means I am already down a spoon. Let’s say that, for the purposes of this blog, I have slept until I needed to, so I have a full amount of spoons to start the day with.
I get up. I put on my dressing gown, go to the loo, make my breakfast, then sit down. Sounds simple enough. But it isn’t. It hurts. I am stiff from being mostly still all night and, on touching the floor with my feet for the first time that day, I can feel all of the blisters* and raw spots. Holding the knife to butter and cut my toast, and the banana to go on top, shears some skin on my hand. Opening the bottle of juice, even through the tea towel I hold to do it with, takes more skin off. If my partner isn’t working from home, I can’t have a cup of green tea, as picking up the kettle to fill it causes aggravation to one of my other conditions**. All of this is at least one spoon gone.
I sit and eat my breakfast, slowly, as, if I don’t chew the toast sufficiently enough, I risk the larger pieces scratching my throat and causing blisters. I catch up on social media, and I do a quick internal scope of my body to see which bits are hurting, so I know whether I have to be extra careful that day. Another spoon gone.
I have a shower. Climbing into the bath to have the shower, then climbing out again when I am done, one spoon; I need to wash my hair, that’s another spoon, because it hurts my arms to lift them.
I get dressed. Again, not as simple as it sounds. I have to put a special talc on the places of my body where I am prone to have shearing skin, and I may need to put dressings on my feet. Then it’s doing up buttons or zips that cause my hands to shear. Getting dressed equals at least one spoon.
I have a networking Zoom call. I really enjoy it but following all of the conversations, focusing on the screen, sitting still, all costs me another spoon.
I’m meeting a friend for lunch. I walk to my local cafe, half a spoon. I sit down, look at the menu, get up when my friend arrives to give them a hug, sit down, get up to order, sit down, chat, laugh, eat; it’s wonderful; and it’s tiring. One spoon. And, because I am more tired, walking home takes up a whole spoon.
I get home and I have emails to send and answer; I am very tired now so it takes longer to focus and to get comfortable. Another spoon used up.
I have another Zoom call; because I am tired, it is more of a strain; another one and a half spoons gone.
It’s 5pm and I have one spoon left to get me through the rest of the day. By the time I have eaten dinner, thankfully made by my partner, I am slumped on the sofa.
You would think, being this tired, I would get up and go to bed, but, by this point, I am in so much pain that, once I get comfy on the sofa, I want to stay there. So I sit, and I sit, and, as I get even more tired, the thought of standing up and moving just feels too much. I finally get enough energy to get up to go to bed in the early hours of the morning.
If I can sleep until I wake up naturally, I should be able to start the day with an almost full quota of spoons. In theory. So many things can impact on how many spoons get used.
Did I pass someone in the cafe who could have passed a cold or something to me? Did I eat something that caused my mouth or throat to blister (I am very careful about what I eat, knowing which foods can cause blistering, but, sometimes, something sneaks in, or it's just an anomaly)? Or have I blistered from the walk? Or blistered from just sitting down? Was there uneven ground that made walking hard? All of these things, and many more, will impact on the amount of spoons I have available.
Then there are the days where I have to get up to my alarm, or the days that are very busy, or the days that I am completely living my best life, with dancing and talking, or learning and laughing, that can drain me completely of spoons.
Some of you reading this may think, well, why would you do these things if they exhaust you and cause you pain? And I will always say that, if I am doing things that make my mind happy, it’s far easier to deal with all of the physical stuff. I want to live as full and happy a life as I can with the body I have. And, thankfully, my partner understands this and does most things around our home so I don’t use extra spoons. He is also the one that I trust to take off my shoes if my feet feel too far away, and sometimes needs to get me undressed because my mobility is lessened, or my pain levels are so high.
As the reader, you may be thinking how you can help those of us that are spoonies. The suggestions I make now aren’t going to be the same for all of us, so the best thing to do is ask.
- Believe us! Just because we might not be saying we’re in pain, or tired, it doesn’t mean we’re not. And, for many of us, if we do tell you, it could be really bad.
- Don’t judge us. We may not do things the way you would but trust us that we are doing the best we can.
- Please don’t insist that yoga/pilates/turmeric/kale will “fix us”. Trust us that we have tried everything we can afford to and that some of our conditions just aren’t “fixable”.
- Please don’t make “jokes” about how easy we have it, because we get “free money”, or a Blue Badge. Or how you always want to go out with us because we make things cheaper. I am sure that most of us would swap the Blue Badge for being able to walk distances, to not have to worry about the movements we make, to not be in constant pain; it’s hard for me not to turn round and respond with “live with constant pain for 20+ years then you’ll get this ‘bonus’”. And it’s more expensive to be disabled. One example from my life is my toothpaste; nearly all toothpastes burn my mouth and cause more pain, so I have to buy a children’s organic toothpaste that’s half the size of a normal adult tube and more than twice as expensive (Unless I can get it on a deal, I pay £6 for a 50ml tube 🙄).
- Don’t assume we are lazy. Yes, I sleep later than most of you reading this but I need as much sleep as possible because sleeping is for rest and recovery. Before all of the conditions I have caught up with me, I was an early riser, getting quite a lot done before starting work at 8am.
- Offer us lifts, whether we drive or not. Driving can be tiring, and getting public transport definitely is***.
- Remember that we are human and we want to be part of our friends’ lives. Please invite us to things, even when you don’t think we can manage those things; though please do some things that we can do.
- Trust us that we know the best things to do. Don’t assume that I won’t want to go for a walk because it will be painful for me, because I enjoy walking, though I do need to consider the difficulty of the walk. Don’t assume I won’t want to try something new.
I could go on, as this is a HUGE subject. I haven’t even covered the impacts of pain, or different types of pain, or the way new pain affects me. Or how different types of cutlery, and other random things, can affect me 🤷. Or … But, basically, trust us, believe us, ask us, because we really are the ones that know our bodies best.
Xx
Here are other blogs I have written that are related to things I mention in this blog.
*I have Epidermolysis Bullosa Simplex Generalised Intermediate, a rare, genetic, skin blistering condition. You can find out more here: https://www.vieness.co.uk/post/my-experiences-of-living-with-chronic-conditions-part-one
**I have Thoracic Outlet Syndrome. You can find out more here: https://www.vieness.co.uk/post/my-experiences-of-living-with-chronic-conditions-part-five
***I wrote this blog about a morning out and the impact public transport can have: https://www.vieness.co.uk/post/it-s-just
And, if you would like to learn ways of being more inclusive, generally, book a session with me and we can go through ways of how you can be: https://www.vieness.co.uk/services-7
#SpoonTheory #DisabilityAwareness #DisabilityPride #Spoonies #DisabilityPrideMonth #EpidermolysisBullosa #ThoracicOutletSyndrome #DIsabledBlogger #DisabledAuthor #DisabledBusinessOwner #ChronicConditions #ChronicPain #DisabilityAwarenessDay
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